Halfway through the first, I realized it was getting a bit too personal and its proper place was in the journal I have yet to write in since late September. The second draft turned into a great essay idea for a parenting journal or magazine.
In January, which seems like eons ago, legacy and history were abstract concepts crystallizing in my mind. I wrestled with what they meant to me and my 2020 goals. I couldn’t quite distill what I wanted to say, but for the most part, I thought about them in terms of my writing career and how to best serve my local community.
I’ve always imagined hauntings to be a great chain-rattling affair with dim-lighting and a heartbeat racing so fast it feels close to bursting. Hauntings are most often written as spooky, unsettling moments that drive main characters out into the street or tumbling off their balconies, succumbing to their insanity. But that’s not my haunting. And it has nothing to do with ghosts.
A few weeks ago—back when we were complaining that Black History Month was cancelled and we should move it to June; back when our anxieties were high but not astronomical—I was scrolling Twitter and saw a tweet that asked writers to share the most hopeful poems, essays, and stories they had written. I didn’t post anything. And I didn’t bother reading the responses. Off the top of my head, I didn’t believe I had written anything that could be classified as “hopeful”—at least not how I saw it as the author. It’s always different for readers.
The weather in Las Vegas hasn’t been magical lately.
The winds bluster against my house and whistle through the windowpanes. They threaten to lift my house from its foundation and blow it to a strange land. I’d much rather have the snow that a close friend of mine in Georgia is experiencing. In the videos she sends me, she timidly peers out of her apartment window and, later, steps outside, the world blanketed in freshly fallen snow. Baby blues, blood reds, and pine greens peek out, hinting at the hidden world below.
When I work too much, I think about Coraline and the movie’s titular character. Specifically, I think about how Coraline’s parents were so caught up in their writing projects that they never noticed their child was sneaking off to another world and that Other Mother was trying to replace her with a button-eyed doll.
I imagine Coraline and then immediately abandon my projects for the day to play with my children.