On Inhabiting Uncertainty.

Shadows of flower bouquets cast on a white door.

As 2020 wound to a close, I had hoped to write an end-of-the-year sendoff that would propel myself and you into the future on an upswelling of hope. But I didn’t because I was exhausted by the unrest and calamity from the year. It was impossible to assemble words together with any relative meaning when the future seemed more uncertain than it had ever before. So, I waited for the new year to guide me.

As I am writing this, six days into said new year, white nationalists and terrorists have breached the United States Capitol. The absolute madness has spread across the nation and militia groups have swarmed several state capitols. Right now, my streets are quiet, though protestors march downtown in solidarity with Trump. My body is buzzing with chaotic energy and my thoughts are unharnessed. I am busying myself to keep my anxiety at bay.

Where do we go from here? Where do we go when a pandemic rages and chaos is preferred over healing and reparatory directives? When instability and financial gain hold greater power over human lives?

There is no singular answer, but we have to find the courage to move forward, whether that is with great leaps or small steps. Hesitantly or fully confident.

I wish I had more to offer. A viable solution. A hug in real life. A vibrant ball of familial comfort that you could pluck from my hand and tuck inside your heart. For me, I will take time to be still and pray. To meditate and let the frenetic buzzing inside me calm so that I have a clear vision of my own pathway for tomorrow and the days ahead.

The only thing I can say with any certainty is that this will all make sense in time.

Onward, friends.

I will no longer list the books I read in-between posts. However, I will post my abbreviated TBR list for the month, which I also list on my Instagram account.

My January 2021 TBR:
STRANGE FURNITURE by Lannie Stabile (poetry)
NIGHT SKY WITH EXIT WOUNDS by Ocean Vuong (poetry)
THE BOOK OF NIGHT WOMEN by Marlon James (fiction)
THE SKY IS BLUE WITH A SINGLE CLOUD by Kuniko Tsurita (graphic novel/stories)
BLACK FUTURES by Kimberly Drew and Jenna Wortham (nonfiction; black archive)

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